Gold Coast Celebrant Eileen Fleming

Funerals

Funerals – we are all going to have one

Your final plan

Have you ever thought about how you would like your ‘last’ event’ to be….
A celebration of your life, or a sad event. 

I know I would want people to be glad that they had met me, glad they had felt the pressure of my hand, glad to have been thought of as my friend.  Glad to have been a part of my life.

One of the problems I have discovered as a Funeral Celebrant is that a lot of people are unprepared for when their loved one departs.

I guess it is because we don’t like to think about that time in our lives when we are most vulnerable. And often we leave the details of their funeral to someone we have never met before or never likely to meet again after the funeral event.

Some funerals are very well conducted, with care and consideration for the family, but unfortunately others are not.

I went to a funeral recently where the minister forgot the name of the person who had died and he kept referring to her as ’the deceased’.  Not a mention about her life and her accomplishments.  They did however mention her family, but got the names of the grandchildren round the wrong way.  Parents were not matched with the correct names of the children.

We get one chance to get it right on the day.  It is so easy to get it right. And also so easy to get it wrong leaving a lot of distressed people.

We seem to plan throughout our lives, our family, our careers, finances etc. but when it comes to organizing our own funerals we stop and ponder and ponder.  We have come a long way by purchasing our own graveside plot, or ashes memorial site and even paying into a funeral fund, but what about organizing our own ceremony, DVD and music. 

This would help the family who are under so much stress at this time, so much because they are very vulnerable at this time to the power of suggestion by those organizing your funeral.  I recently became aware of one of my own relatives being made to feel ever so guilty when she went to purchase a ‘cheaper’ coffin and not the dearer one for her husband.  Money she could ill afford at this time.

OK. So how we help?

I can come to you or contact via email / phone or a home visit to discuss with you what your requirement are.

There is a need for families to be so much more involved, informed, and a part of the process and decision making, that needs to be made.

Because death and the prospect of losing someone we love is very difficult to think about and a very hard subject to discuss, and most families do not talk about it before the event. 

As a result, we find ourselves having to make the difficult decisions when someone dies.  We are very tired, emotional, and hurting.  On the worst day of our lives, we have to make a multitude of decisions and make them quickly.

There is only ever one chance to celebrate and honour the life of the person you love. 

We want you to look back, although sometimes painfully, and remember that experience with self assurance and confidence that you have done all you could do to make the funeral a unique, personal, and cherished day for your family.  I would like to offer you my services to help you to do just that.

I can, with your help, write a service ceremony, months even perhaps years ahead, and update it when the time has come:
 
A selection the music that was a special favorite.
Organizing a DVD with family photos, from the commencement of life and the progression of events throughout their life.
Writing the service (including the eulogy and nominating the person to deliver this testimonial if necessary).
The ceremony this will be placed onto a CD and this can be updated very easily if there are any additions like more grandchildren etc.
We have a large selection of poems / ceremonies / prayers for you to choose from.

Often a momentous time during the funeral ceremony is the compilation and sharing of stories that give insight into the life of the person who has died.  Apart from the summary of where they were born, lived, went to school, worked and the like, this life story (sometimes called the ‘eulogy’) will often include stories that give reminders into their character.

Sharing this information provides the family and loved ones some ‘memory pages’ on which we can refer to reminisce and also feel the privilege of knowing them and having them share our life if only for a short time. 

It is also our chance to say to others who did not know them well, “See, they were one of the very best and we are so fortunate to have known them”. 

In addition, a funeral is a time to create new memories.  The warmth and dignity of a meaningful funeral with loving and honest tributes is a powerful medicine to help the real pain of bereavement.

This has even greater significance when death has some suddenly or unexpectedly, or we have not seen our loved one for a long time. 


CLOSURE

Closure is about accepting the sad reality of what has happened and beginning to prepare ourselves to live in this new phase of life without the physical presence of the person who has, until now, always been there.

The creating of new memories that we have just referred to is an important part of closure.

Each person is unique in personality, like, dislikes.  Consequently, no two funerals will be the same.  They neither can nor should be. 

That is why we discuss (in advance) how you would like the service to be conducted, ensuring the personality of your loved one to come through.  The kind deeds, the fishing tales, the funny stories, and all designed to remember them as they would like to be remembered.

Simply getting together with family and friends, experiencing the funeral, seeing the chapel, the casket, the flowers, hearing the word, thinking our thoughts, and feeling the emotions can create special ‘final’ moments’ in our minds, and perhaps even putting our minds at rest.


WHAT ELSE IS NEEDED

Flowers for top of casket;
Perhaps a fond hat placed on casket or table;
Photo of the deceased person on the table;
Order of Service handouts (covered next page);


PLANNING FOR THE EULOGY


Name – nick name
Personality
Place of Birth & date of Birth
Character
Date of Death
Beliefs / philosophies
Father’s name
Hobbies - interests
Mother’s name
Personal memories
Place in family – eldest to youngest
Famous sayings
Siblings
Circumstances of death
Family situation in childhood

Education history – school/ etc.

Work history

Marriage  to whom / where

Children born
Closing or summary sentence
Recent history
Special music



WHAT INFORMATION WILL BE NEEDED?

The full name of the deceased;
Normal residential address;
Dates of birth and death;
The location of the deceased;
The full name, address, and phone number of the next of kin who will be in charge of the funeral arrangements.
An insight as to whether a burial or a cremation is intended.
The name and phone number of the Funeral Home to be used.

In recent funerals the family sometimes arrange for an ‘Order of Service”.

This is a small booklet that covers the ceremony in the order it is presented, and allows for the family and fiends to follow along:

Front page:
    Full name
    Born to life:         Date of birth
    Born to external life:     Date of death
    Photo of the deceased
    Venue where the service will be held

Inside left page:
    Venue Name
    Celebrant’s name
    Entrance music
    Welcome
First prayer
    Chosen first poem
    Words of comfort
    Eulogy
    Chosen second poem
    Reflection
    Reflection music
The Committal
     The Lord’s Prayer
    Prayers for the Family
    Final Poem
    Final music

Inside right page
    The Lord’s Prayer

Back page:
The family thanks for the attendance of everyone present
Refreshment served